Honestly, I consider myself mediocre at my job all because I never went ahead and learnt the nuances within my acquired skillset. And I feel it is now time that start honoring what I have given so much time, effort and sweat to – my career. I’m now reskilling from scratch like a child that knows nothing and am trying to maintain that child-like innocence and enthusiasm as I would when first started going to my school. Returning home while sleeping in the bus; shoes, bag, and water bottle needing to be gathered from under the seats at the gate of my society. I’m finding it hard but I’m trying and that is what matters to me.
However, over the past few years, I have observed my insatiable need to understand the solar system. I used to do it in my school – I would get myself expelled from the class or simply skip the class, only to head to the library to read the encyclopedias about our solar system. What particularly fascinated me were the geological structures of various planets – what color they were, whether they had land or if they were gaseous. I probably loved looking at the pictures too. And now I have youtube with so many vloggers and podcasters who deliver every latest discovery and continue to pique my interest even more. I love black holes. I somehow feel I relate to them in their properties – nothing escapes them unless you are at a safe enough distance. They bend light at their whim just like I do in my shamanic journeys.
I understand I need to learn but why is it insatiable? I have observed that my screen time has increased significantly over the past few years. Is it just an addiction to screens? Laptops, mobiles, PCs and TV? I am prone to addictions. I have always been addicted to one thing or the other all my life. But why do I need to keep learning? Maybe learning is just the positive distraction that I require from my overactive mind. Learning also fires my imagination to new heights. It opens my perceptive abilities. I feel more. Do I keep learning to make me feel good about myself? I think so. It makes me feel that I am making positive use of my mind and channeling my attention to what my soul requries. Oh yes, MY SOUL. Maybe my soul desires learning, for it may be preparing me for the upcoming lives. Or is it just a method to boost my unhealthy ego? Does my high from learning have this unhealthy element too where I use my learning to make others feel inept? Probably. Come to think of it, I do display my knowledge but I do it to guide others, to have them build different perspectives just the way I learned to do it. But what others think or feel about it isn’t my concern.
I was told lately in a channeling that I’m born to teach and waking people up is my primary role on Earth along with a select group of people. We’ll never be given enough credit, but we’ll have tremendous success bringing people joy and knowledge. I don’t know the people I’m supposed to work with though. I was told they’ll find me by themselves. A part of me does yearn to teach under priviledged children. I feel I can teach them new way of thinking and introspection. On the other hand, I wish to be a story teller. Maybe I can combine both these. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can start, kindly guide me.